Accept your partner’s shortcomings
As soon as the heady feeling of new infatuation wears off and the object of our feelings ceases to seem perfect, we discover that there is at least one thing about him that we don’t like. This habit or character trait annoys, angers, upsets.
As the relationship progresses, people may still remain in love, but each other’s characteristics begin to lead to constant conflict. Both want the other to change some habit, and both fail to correct something in themselves. This often leads to disappointment in the partner or even to dislike. We begin to think, “If he loved me, he could change.
But it is almost impossible to do something about deep-seated behavior. Think about whether you yourself have been able to change any of the character traits. I don’t think so. That’s why more than half of the conflicts in marriage are endless and unresolvable – they last throughout the couple’s life together.
The only way out is to realize that the partner will never change. And accept the oddities of the other half as part of your life.
Of course, this is easier said than done. Usually we strictly distinguish between the traits we love in our partner and those we don’t like. But in fact they are often inextricably linked.
For example, a wife likes her husband’s brutality, sense of security with him, but does not like that he is not very sensitive and shows little emotion. We recommend the best christian meet singles. Although the very energy that fuels his masculinity suppresses displays of tenderness. And the spouse likes that the wife is artistic and creative. But it annoys him that she doesn’t like to stick to plans. However, it is the energy that makes her creative that causes the woman to act spontaneously.
The energy that fuels the sides you love in your partner is also responsible for the ones that piss you off.
So don’t pine for an impossible scenario in which your partner retains all the traits you love and outlives the things you don’t like about yourself. Once you recognize that his flaw is just another manifestation of the same energy, it will be easier for you to accept that trait.
Brett McKay, author of The Art of Manliness blog, gave some examples from his personal life. His wife Kate finds it very difficult to be on time; she’s always and everywhere late. She likes to try to outrun time and feel a rush of adrenaline from it. Brett, on the other hand, is punctual, so this tendency of his wife annoys him. Especially when they have a plane to catch.
She wants to get to the airport in a few minutes and Brett wants to get there in a few hours. He’s not too annoyed by Kate’s unpunctuality, however, because he realizes that this trait is due to the same side of her personality that seeks adventure and adds fun to their lives. He knows that these are two sides of the same coin, which he loves and appreciates.
Brett himself is prone to melancholy and has frequent mood swings. Of course, it would be easier for both of them if he were always in good spirits. But Kate realizes that without this side of her character, her husband would not be the man she loves. And she sees Brett’s melancholy and pessimistic moods as the other side of the coin. The one that makes him conscientious and sensitive.
That doesn’t mean you have to completely accept all of the other person’s faults. Sometimes they have nothing positive to do with anything, and there is more negativity from some habit than positivity.
While it is unreasonable to assume that someone will completely change fundamental character traits, it is still quite possible to expect your partner to try to iron out their flaws a bit. For example, Kate tries to be on time or late just a little bit when an event is important to Brett or to both of them. And he tries to keep his melancholy in check.
By realizing that annoying traits go hand in hand with those that you’re excited about, it’s easier to accept the person you love as he or she is. After all, you wouldn’t want to empty the source that fuels your partner’s positive aspects in order to get rid of the habits that upset you. The same is true of friends. By choosing one side of the coin, you get the other side, and if that coin is good, hold on to it and don’t let it go.
